Tokyo Commuter

Terrorism makes me thirsty

A couple of hours ago, I came to the airport with six water bottles because I get thirsty in airports and on planes. But a person who had squeezed herself into her uniform wouldn’t let me bring them in. Water is the new face of evil. Some terrorist used a liquid in a plot to hurt a plane. Now no one is allowed to have liquids. So I stood in front of the luggage scanner and guzzled two of the water bottles.

Why did terrorists choose airplanes in their plot to annoy the West into submission? Why didn’t they choose some place I don’t like to frequent, such as adult bookstores or reptile research facilities or health food stores or jogging tracks? What if jogging tracks suddenly became ultra-high security areas with huge delays? My life would be easier.

I really need the flight attendant to bring me a cup of ginger ale which is all ice because the airline wants to save money on ginger ale.

Revelling in Revealing Beaches

I am on the beach in Guam. Everyone is wearing a swimsuit, so now I know more about everyone than I would have otherwise. Sometimes it is "too much information."

My question for today is "why did the Great Creator create so much variety in body composition among his children?"

Narita Airport

The key to success in life is choosing the right line to stand in.

Currently I am at Narita airport. I had to choose which check-in line would be the fastest. My faulty-logic brain chose the shortest one. After 20 minutes of not moving, a woman came back and apologized for the wait. She bent her head toward the woman operating the desk we were waiting for and explained, “she’s a trainee.” No other apology was necessary.

I realized that I always choose the wrong line. When I am faced with a choice of lines, complex algorithms in my brain calculate which line would be best. But I am always wrong. I choose the line with a person who is trying to smuggle a bird cage full of endangered-species birds. Or I choose the one with the person who plans to request the paperwork to apply for diplomatic immunity, after which their qualifications are carefully investigated while I wait behind them in line. Or I choose the person who doesn’t get an ideal seat and won’t leave until are they compensated with a free upgrade (“do you know who I am?!”)

As I wait, I realize I need a new policy. I am refining my mental formulas for line choosing. I have plenty of time to figure it out: what else will I do as I wait in line? A refugee in front of me has asked to wait in line while his extended family is airlifted from his home country in Central America.

痴漢

The train companies are really cracking down on chikan, or perverts that touch other people on the train. Sounds like Japan is catching up.

But I am concerned about the hypocrisy. The train companies fill the walls with erotic advertisements, pack the passengers up against each other, then they feign surprise when they touch each other.

This week's commute

Coming home yesterday, the train was so crowded that some velcro on my coat became attached to a middle-aged man's sweater. When I tried to de-board, I pulled him off the train with me.

Wednesday, Valentines Day, was even more crowded. My train was cancelled because the wind was blowing. (Japan Railways, JR, really is the least conscientious company on the planet. They could have slowed down the driving speed and been completely safe.) So I found a different train company with more courage, then walked four kilometers from a distant train station to my home so I could be with my valentine.

Year of the Pig

According to Chinese Astrology, this year is the luckiest year in 500 years in which to be born. It so happens that we are having a baby this year. How auspicious for us!

And by the way, it is a wild boar, not a pig.

Asia is the Future

I am an American who has lived in Asia for about 14 years. I am often surprised by what I hear coming out of America (as amplified by CNN). But I am much more amused when I hear particular Europeans consider themselves to be "internationalized" because they act concerned about events in other European nations. They learn other European languages and feel very cosmopolitan, like New Yorkers who in times past congratulated themselves when they went on holiday to Texas or California instead of the Hamptons. A European involving themselves in the affiars of other Western European nations doesn't make one "global."

The result of insular thinking is that I see relatively fewer European companies aggressively building in Asia. They prefer to congratulate themselves when they succeed in Spain.  Eastern Europe is the absolute frontier.

Despite what Europeans think, I believe that America's shift from West to East is viewed by Europeans as Americans ignoring the rest of the world, but it is actually just ignoring Europe. Americans are still in love with European culture, but recognize that Asia is the future. Hence over the past few decades we have seen a shift of a lot of power from America's east coast to the west coast. More and more people in the U.S. are looking to the future.

Unfortunately we are forgetting our roots, our past, in Europe.

Immigration Philosophy

Today I waited in the Tokyo immigration office to apply for an employee’s visa. My observation is that the immigration process is the Great Equalizer. Various people were applying for professional visas, hostess visas, student visas, and refugee visas. Yet we were all the same. We were all refugees, begging for the refuge of Japan’s concrete shores.

America’s immigrants included “the wretched refuse of your teeming shore,” according to the Emma Lazarus poem. But Japan considers all its immigrants to be refuse. In fact, the immigration clearinghouse office is next door to a massive waste incinerator complex.

As I breathed in the carcinogenic fumes from the incinerator, I felt affinity with the other huddles masses. We are all the same.

Response to "Dweebs"

In response to "Dweebs in the Train," an observant reader made this observation: "Pringles must be very popular in Japan because they are "uniformly shaped.  Like they stay in line, and don't try to stand out."

Dweebs on the Train

Japanese culture is very obssessive about teaching people to not eat on the train. So why do I have Pringles* potato chip crumbs in my pockets tonight? Some unruly high school girls sitting next to me on the train were loudly chatting as they stuffed Pringles into their mouths earlier this evening.

All the train commuting rules are suspended for those that ride the train car I happen to be in.

In cross-cultural studies, this is my Dweeb Corollary. It states that the examples/models we use to judge a culture are often the abnormal members of that culture. When one visits a foreign land, the non-mainstream people often gravitate toward the visitor. So our information-collecting and analysis functions are skewed.

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* clarification: we all know that Pringles are not potato chips; they are made of compressed parts (like particle board) that come from those who were not chosen when the real potato chips were choosing teams